The Relief Bus : Team Haken

Today is May 13, 2013. We made an offer on a house about a week ago. We believe that God is leading the way, but my doubts and fears pepper my mind like rain drops on a lake. Even if all goes perfectly, how will we pay for everything? What if there’s a problem with the house that requires an expensive fix and we can’t do anything because we spent every last penny we have just to buy it? What if the seller changes his mind? What if, what if, what if? So as the rain disturbs the surface of my mind, I am choosing to dive down into the depths of peace that God has made available to me through Jesus, my Lord. I am sitting in my room in the house we have been renting for two years waiting on God. Sometimes “waiting on God” sounds crazy.

One reason it sounds crazy is that no one can actually physically or quantifiably “see God.” So how would I know if he shows up? Another reason it sounds crazy is because according to the nature of God that has been accepted by most Christians for over 2000 years, he is omnipresent. Which is seminary-speak for “he is everywhere” which invariably includes “here.” How can I wait on someone who is already here? So whether I am a functional atheist or an orthodox believer, somehow “waiting on God” seems like a misnomer. So what am I waiting for? What is it that drives me down into the depths of stillness and away from the monsoon of chaos?

I think when I describe myself as “waiting on God” I am really trying to say that I’m “waiting FOR God.” I’m waiting FOR God to open my eyes to his presence. I’m waiting FOR God to reveal how he is going to provide for my family. I’m waiting FOR God to shake me loose from my fear and doubt. I’m waiting FOR God to reassure me that He is everything I need and while circumstances change and people constantly disappoint, He will always be there “waiting ON me.” Maybe that’s it: God “waits ON me” while I “wait FOR him.”

I can’t see him through the rain that splashes and distracts. When I stay on the surface, it looks like there is very little reason to be at peace. Even the wisdom of this world would say that we are being foolish, putting everything we have into something that is hardly guaranteed. But I’ve found, over and over again, that sometimes what looks foolish on the surface makes perfect sense the deeper you go. And even if it’s still raining when I come back up for air, the stillness of the deep will help me gain some much needed perspective. Have you waited FOR God recently? I suggest you give it a shot, because he is waiting ON you.

“I waited patiently for The Lord, he turned to me and heard my cry.” Psalm 40:1

Grace and Peace,

Josiah

I’ve found the walk of faith to be just that: a walk. Not a sprint, not a jog, not a skip, not a stroll. It is on purpose or it is not “of faith.” It is sort of like leaving the house to go to the store. You go with intention, with a goal. You might end up buying something you don’t need, but the item that leads you to put your shoes on, grab your wallet, lock the door behind you, and step out of your home is the end all, be all of your effort.

Chelsea and I left our families, our jobs, and our network because we realized that we needed something at the metaphorical store. Something we couldn’t make do without. It is our faith and desire to follow Jesus that led us to New York City Relief. It is written that thousands of years ago Jesus said that he represented true significance. True meaning. True value. That somehow only by following in his footsteps could anything of value be achieved. In our culture we are all too familiar with “achievement” but when it comes to “value” our poverty is often just as striking as the slums of India or the “tent cities” in Haiti.

I was working with a great kitchen remodeling company and I was doing fairly well. I was achieving. But I was struggling for “value.” I understand now better than I did then that value is the eternal significance that we bring to whatever it is we do and whoever it is we become. I understand that as a disciple of Jesus I can bring value to any job, any interaction, any situation. That by being Jesus wherever I am is in and of itself eternally significant. I didn’t know that. But God used this ignorance to bring me to a place where I felt my need for value. I felt it enough to walk it out.

It has been hard. It has been tedious. It has been up hill and down, but we are still walking. We’ve found that value, eternal significance, is found primarily in obedience to the guidance of the man called Jesus. We’ve made bad decisions. We’ve made huge mistakes, but value is always there as long as Jesus is the goal. Jesus hangs out with people who make bad decisions and huge mistakes. Jesus spends time with the sick, the marginalized, and the poor. Jesus brings correction to the proud and instruction to the humble.

It is this reality that has led us to serve and love the homeless and hurting of NYC for the last 3 years. We didn’t choose it. We certainly didn’t plan it, we just started walking after Jesus with measured determination and we found what we were looking for. If we had run we might have passed it. If we had strolled, we might have missed it. But Jesus seems to be the most intentional, least-hurried person whoever lived. This walk of faith is impossible if you are stuck in a place of complete self-suffuciency. Luckily, as missionaries who live on the provision of people who believe in God’s call on our family and the work that we are doing, the illusion of self-sufficiency is no longer palatable.

So we keep walking.

Grace and Peace,

Josiah

Hello Friends and Family,

I’m writing to let you know about some big things that are happening here at New York City Relief over the next few months with regards to our family. As you may have read on my last blog post (www.thereliefbus-teamhaken.org) Chelsea and I recently found out that we will need to find a new living arrangement by June of this year. God is calling our landlord and his family back to this area and will be moving back into the house that they so graciously allowed us to call home for 2 years. This news was daunting at first and honestly, if I look at it from a human standpoint, it still is. We have three dogs and a very unique living situation that we’re convinced God has called us to continue.

Over the last few weeks I’ve been praying and crying out to God for trust and hope. We looked at homes for rent and there just doesn’t seem to be any “good” options that won’t increase our cost of living by around $500 per month. Then there was a still small voice that started to thump in my chest over and over again: “I want you to buy a house.” I ignored this voice for 2 weeks because, quite frankly, we can’t buy a house. We have no money saved up beyond what could be described as an emergency savings account, and that wouldn’t even cover closing costs. We went through some rough years financially and still have not made up the ground we lost. We don’t have time to do a lot of homework and, even if we did, we don’t have the experience needed to actually walk through this process. So, all this to say, that voice, while annoying and persistent, was hardly convincing.

Then 2 nights ago I was reading a book by one of my favorite authors and he was was sharing the story of the blind man who was crying out to Jesus while Jesus was passing by. Jesus calls to the man and asks him a simple question: “what do you want?” The blind man doesn’t even hesitate to ask for the biggest, baddest, most preposterous thing available: “Lord, I want to see.” Then the author of this book wrote this, “I think a lot of our prayers make God wonder why we think so little of him.” In that moment, I heard that voice in my chest pound louder than ever and I leaned over to Chelsea and told her, “I think God wants us to buy a house.”

So here we are, using our brand new, and soon to be useless, address labels that I ordered a month ago to tell you, our support family, that we need your prayers and support more than ever. Every year it seems that God takes us deeper into this walk of faith that we started in 2009 when we moved to New Jersey. Every year, the waves get bigger and more daunting. But this is why we do what we do. Thank you for your prayers. Thank you for your support. Thank you for walking on these waves beside us as we continue to fix our eyes on Jesus and keep moving forward.

Grace and Peace,

Josiah, Chelsea, & Eden

Super Bowl Sunday was an interesting day. I woke up at 4 am to drive over to the Bowery Mission with a team of crazy volunteers to follow-up with a group of folks who had been encountered on the streets of Lower Manhattan the night before as part of a massive outreach campaign called Don’t Walk By (www.dontwalkby.org).

We literally showed up and just made it up as we went along. There were people there who had simply crashed to avoid the frigid temperatures because they knew that the Bowery opens its doors when the temperature drops below a certain level. And then there were also people who were there only because a team of volunteers had gone out searching for them the night before.

We served coffee, pastries, and bagels. I was able to meet one-on-one with 17 people to discuss their situation and what the next steps were in their journey. One guy even ended up entering the Bower Mission Men’s Discipleship Program as a result of our early escapade into New York City. We had no idea what to expect. We had a plan, but as soon as we walked in the door our plan was thrown out the window.

Later in the day I got home and learned that our landlord needed to speak to me about something. Now, I’m not usually paranoid, but I was very nervous about this call. We connected and I learned that God is calling him and his family back to the New York City metro area. This is awesome news because this guy is the real deal. He was previously the Executive Director of the Relief Bus and has a heart for the poor and the homeless that is contagious. The only downside is that this means that Chels, Eden, and our three pooches are going to need to find a new place to live by June.

Honest moment? I don’t know how this is going to work. On paper, we certainly don’t look like ideal tenants. We have a very unique situation and we have been getting an amazing deal on a great house that we love. We have no idea what this means for us. Will we find a place that is geographically accessible and at a price that we can afford? Will we be able to find a place in a safe neighborhood? Did I mention that we have 3 dogs? We don’t have a huge savings for first and last months rent, pet deposit, and security, so how’s that going to work? The answers to all these questions have yet to present themselves, but I’m choosing to trust that the same God who called us to New Jersey from Pennsylvania and provided this amazing house for us over the last 2 years is the same God who is going ahead of us again.

I texted a pastor friend of mine and told him the situation and asked him to pray for us and keep his eyes open for a house that might meet our needs. His response was simple but profound, “the Spirit is always moving.” So here we go again, just like Sunday morning at the Bowery Mission, we have no idea what to expect and, quite frankly, any plans we come up with will probably just get thrown out the window anyway. So here’s our new plan… trust.

It’s hard. It’s scary. It’s uncomfortable. But we put all of our chips on the table a long time ago and all the winnings we currently enjoy are simply the blessings of the same God who calls us to lay it all down again. So, here we go. I think of a line from The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, by C.S. Lewis, “Aslan is on the move.” We will pack up all the stuff that God has given us and go to the place that He has set before us even though we don’t know where that place is yet. I choose to trust that He won’t stop meeting our needs as we continue to attempt to meet the needs of His children on the streets.

Grace and Peace,

Josiah

Lately, I’ve had writer’s block for some reason. I haven’t written anything new in some time. Then this week, I was saved by a simple request. At the Relief Bus we get teams from all over the country, and even all over the world, coming to serve alongside of us as we attempt to live out our convictions. We recently had the honor of hosting a team from Kokomo, Indiana. They were introduced to us by a good friend who attends a partner Church in Noblesville, Indiana called Grace Community Church.

This team from Kokomo was amazing and God did some amazing things through them while they were with us. But as is often the case, God also did some of His best work in this team as they had their eyes opened in many ways to God’s heart for the poor, the broken, and the oppressed.

My writer’s block was spared, by one of the leaders from this team Facebook messaging me and asking me to write some words for this same team as they gather together for a reunion back in Kokomo about 2 months after the fact. This is the letter I wrote to their team and this is my prayer for all the teams that come out and serve on the Relief Bus for a short period of time:

What’s up Indiana?
The difficulty of missions trips is the uniqueness of experiencing so much in such a small amount of time. I like what Paul says in Ephesians 5:18, “do not get drunk on wine which leads to debauchery but be filled with the Holy Spirit.” I feel like your week with us was like hard liquor on an empty stomach. The only difference is that the hangover is hopefully still lingering.

I hope you are still feeling the effects of your trips into Penn Station and to East Harlem. I hope you still carry with you the effects of hugging and praying for someone who doesn’t have any hope for tomorrow because today is just that hard. I hope you still feel sick at the brokenness that people live in every day. I hope you remember that the difference between our brokenness and theirs is simply categorical and not quantitative. We get to live in the illusion of self-sufficiency. We get to live as though we didn’t “need” God. I hope as you guys go about your lives in Kokomo and elsewhere you remember that it is only the grace of Jesus that enables us to walk with our heads held high and, just as importantly, with our eyes wide open to the hurting, the poor, and the lost who are still living in the fog of hopelessness. It is by His grace that we have anything to offer at all.

So the next time someone near you is suffering and that voice in your head tells you that you have nothing to offer, remember the Relief Bus and how sometimes something as small as a pair of socks or a cup of soup can be the doorway for the Holy Spirit of Jesus Christ to pass from your mortal body (Romans 8) into that person’s situation, bringing with it transformation and healing that you couldn’t possibly imagine.

Do not deprive the world around you the power of the most High God that dwells within you. If that hangover starts to wear off, feel free to come on out here again or find another “open bar” near you. For where the Spirit of The Lord is, there is freedom!

Grace and Peace,

Josiah